Torchwood Ficlet - Fine Print, and the advisability of reading it.

[order_of_chaos]

Title: Fine Print, and the advisability of reading it.
Author: order_of_chaos
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Comedy
Summary: The team (sans Jack) sell their souls to Ianto by accident.  Coffee Club team-fic, with minor mentions of Gwen/Tosh.   Post Endgame, so spoilers for that.

Fine Print, and the advisability of reading it.

They join King Ianto’s Coffee Club, toss plans for world domination idly back and forth between them, and enjoy the damn fine coffee.  It’s a welcome distraction from Jack being gone, and if they fail to read the fine print before signing, it’s excusable under the circumstances.  Three days have passed before they realise they’ve sold him their souls – then only because Ianto asks Owen to “kindly shut up for a minute,” and Owen does.
He’s only half demon, Ianto assures them, in his ever-so-slightly-creepy tone of mild amusement.  It’s impossible to tell if he’s joking or not. 
He passes them each another cup of coffee, and promises not to send them to hell, unless it’s Owen, and then only if he’s very irritating.
Later, he skims through their plans for world domination, picks two, and smiles.  They agree that it is fairly demonic, in a sweet, understated kind of way.  “Work on these,” he says.  “We’ll be needing them later.”
He circles the table quietly, removing used cups and clutter and leaving tidiness, also demonic, in his wake.
Gwen and Tosh take the SUV out for a few hours, save the world from a particularly unimaginative alien threat, and have sex in the back seat before returning.  Owen takes the time to catch up on his paperwork, checking each piece for fine print, just in case.
The four meet for dinner – pizza, this time, from a different delivery person – finalise their plans for world domination in order to set them in motion the next morning, and get very drunk on something unidentifiable and non-coffee-related.  Ianto’s new minions decide that, for a demonic owner of souls, he’s not half bad. 
They haven’t thought about Jack all day.
 

 

Comments

[miss-zedem.livejournal.com]

*giggles* Living in a world dominated by Torchwood wouldn't be such a bad thing - at least there'd be a lot of sex....

[cloudrocker.livejournal.com]

love the evil-but-hawt-side-of-ianto!

[reina-isabella.livejournal.com]

leaving tidiness, also demonic, in his wake.

You are killing me. I am now dead. I have expired from the genius.

[order_of_chaos]

Don't worry, precious - I'll come to the funeral.
*smiles sweetly* Thanks!

[crabby-lioness.livejournal.com]

Very funny!

[order_of_chaos]

Thanks! *g*

[burntcopper.livejournal.com]

:eyes you suspiciously: I am of the opinion that Heaven probably involves instant. or :shudder: decaf. I sold my soul to Caffe Nero and Coffee Republic long ago. Starbucks and Ianto can't have it.

[lonelybrit]

He circles the table quietly, removing used cups and clutter and leaving tidiness, also demonic, in his wake.

Bwhahaha! Oh yes, nothing entirely human can make that good coffee and be that efficient all the time :) Great stuff, and yes, there have been minions with worse deals!

[szm.livejournal.com]

Great idea, love slightly evil Ianto! *hee hee*

"and leaving tidiness, also demonic" See! This is way I'm never tidy, tidy is EVIL!!!!

[order_of_chaos]

Mmmm, Evil. *is tempted to tidy room*

Glad you liked it!

[http://users.livejournal.com/_medley_/]

Bwahaha! Wonderful.

[order_of_chaos]

*grin* Thank you!!

[misslucyjane]

I love the sweet-yet-understated plan for world domination. You win :D.

[order_of_chaos]

*waves flag of Triumph and World Domination* Thank you!

[jwaneeta.livejournal.com]

Bwah! Excellent.

[order_of_chaos]

Thanks!

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

Lovely! My favourite line: "leaving tidiness, also demonic, in his wake."

[order_of_chaos]

Tidiness is evil, I tell you. *shudders*
Glad you liked this!

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

Since Rhys is clearly a good housekeeper (as well as cook and oven-cleaner), it makes a person wonder. He could become Ianto's chief minion and they could conquer the world together.

[darthhellokitty.livejournal.com]

fairly demonic, in a sweet, understated kind of way

MUCH superior to those silly over-the-top CGI demons - far cuter. This is hilarious. :-)

[order_of_chaos]

I'd pay to see a horror movie with many sweetly smiling Iantos as demons. (Instead of my usual "wait a few years 'til it comes out on TV" method.)
Very glad you liked it.

[zabbers.livejournal.com]

ahahahahahaha

[order_of_chaos]

*grin*

[crystalshard.livejournal.com]

*grin* Live in a world dominated by King Ianto's Coffee Club? Sure, why not?

Love the story, it's quietly hilarious.

[last-sane-human.livejournal.com]

id sell my soul to him in seconds. the whole place would be tidy.. AND itd be dominated by ianto. love it, i died laughing but was ressurected. XD
"leaving tidiness, also demonic, in his wake."- woop, im thetidiest in my house!!

[protoplasmica.livejournal.com]

oh this has to be continued. I can't wait for Jack's reaction!

[kel-reiley.livejournal.com]

bwahaha i love that

[order_of_chaos]

*grins* Thank you!!

[kayliemalinza.livejournal.com]

Have just watched all of Season One in one sleepless go. Some parts good, some parts very very bad, but mostly worth it so I can read your ficlets.

Demon!Ianto. Yes. This is now my canon.

He’s only half demon, Ianto assures them, in his ever-so-slightly-creepy tone of mild amusement. It’s impossible to tell if he’s joking or not.
He passes them each another cup of coffee, and promises not to send them to hell, unless it’s Owen, and then only if he’s very irritating.

This is scary-accurate. I can see him doing exactly that in exactly that way.

[order_of_chaos]

Some parts good, some parts very very bad, but mostly worth it so I can read your ficlets.
Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!! And there was much rejoicing!

I rather agree about the good/very very bad of Torchwood canon. Keep your favourite bits and feed the rest to the pterodactyl, I say :P

*grins* I love Ianto when he's evil. It's such fun.

Mwahahahaha!!!!!!

[kayliemalinza.livejournal.com]

omg yaaaaaaaaaaaaay you replied! Baby, your lurker ways have got me all torn up inside. I can't take much more of it, but I gotta have your love. Mmhmm, I gotta have your loooooooove..... ::is listening to Sam&Dave::

I just finished Season 2 last night, btw, and it was AWESOME. I'm sure I could nitpick it on a second viewing, but it didn't infuriate the way Season 1 did at points. And, and, Ianto? And Jack? Eeeeeee! I love how Ianto is kinda hesitant and cagey about the growing relationship, and Jack's totally confident. One of my favorite scenes is in "Adam" -- do you know what I'm talking about?

P.S. Was it you who wrote Jack/Ianto, where Ianto is freaked out b/c the pterodactyl is watching?

P.P.S. This is the second fandom (albeit a related one) that I've gotten into b/c of your subtle, long-term influence. ^_^

[order_of_chaos]

omg yaaaaaaaaaaaaay you replied!
*blinks* I did? Are you sure?

I adore you. My love for you is 4ever. It lurketh in the the shadows and grins with maniacal and stalkerish glee. *performs emergency surgery on your insides*
'm sorry. But! I have excuses! And a job (aka. device-which-converts-time-into-money) picking persimmon, and a funeral (not mine) and tennisssss.

It might have been. For some reason, I've half-forgotten most of my Torchwood fics, in what I'm hoping wasn't self-defence. It's possible some of them were horribly bad.
Er. I did write Master/Owen in which Owen was freaked out b/c the pterodactyl was watching, but that's not the same thing.

[kayliemalinza.livejournal.com]

*blinks* I did? Are you sure?
Yes, I'm sure! See? It's right there. ::points:: ^_^

Love and adoration, etc. reciprocated a thousandfold, approximately.


Tennis. Do you wear a cute tennis skirt while you play? I am pervy enough that would excuse you. >P


Horribly bad, absolutely not. Crackish and insane, well, yes. Sorry. I know it hurts.

It is the Master/Owen fic, which I didn't remember because I didn't know who anyone was yet. I think the pterodactyl would be much more attached to Jack and Ianto, however, seeing as they were the ones who caught it. They engaged in UST not six feet away! While it was unconscious! That bit of UST was horribly cheesy btw but I loved it. I have a theory that Ianto's awkwardness is finely honed enough to make any UST work.

P.S. does the hand-in-a-jar belong to the Doctor? I'm ok with DW spoilers, I just want to know before I read Handporn I-III.

[order_of_chaos]

*looks* Ah. I see it now!
Or rather, I don't, because I clicked the link that said "view thread starting from this comment." I'm prepared to take your word for it, however :D

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! ♥

:(

:)

It does, indeed. It got cut off in a sword-fight in The Christmas Invasion, shortly after he regenerated into Ten. He grew a new one, though. Also, THOU SHALT WATCH DOCTOR WHO.

[order_of_chaos]

Clicked post by accident. So.

No tennis skirts, also. Short shorts, though, with pockets so as to play with insane quantities of tennis balls.
Next time I play - and this is all your fault - I shall be tempted to wear my black miniskirt with yellow leggings outfit which I picked up because it was a wearable version of crack. But I shall resist.

*randomly recs Torchwood Turchwad lolcat fic*

[kayliemalinza.livejournal.com]

OMG TORCHWOOD LOLCATS. Why does that make so much sense?

[kayliemalinza.livejournal.com]

But-- But--- Nu Who is too shiny. And there's romance. And fanwank. And no serials, just episodes! And the Cybermen are wrong.

I will compromise, though. I will watch Nu Who in turn- after I've watched a bit of 6,7, and 8. After all, that's how I watched the others. Fair enough?

[order_of_chaos]

It is shiny. Sorry :(
And the love of Rose, Jack and the Doctor is forever. Until it isn't, and then the love of the Doctor and the Master is forever instead. But I missed the fanwank, mostly - I wasn't watching for it.
And there are two-parters. Sometimes. That's almost serials, isn't it? *puppy-dog eyes*
And I have never been so torn over which icon to use - do I mock you with my Nu Who Cybericon and laugh, or do I mock you with my Old Skool Cybericon which says, most appropiately, "you will be assimilated" and laugh? Choices, choices.

Well-- I suppose that's fair. *grins*

[kayliemalinza.livejournal.com]

I see you went with the mocking icon. ::frostily::

The shiny is not so bad-- I like that Torchwood is shiny, certainly--but the Cybermen. You acknowledge that the Tomb of the/Moonbase Cybermen are the best, yes? I demand that you go watch Tomb of the Cybermen (eponymous_rose has links) and tell me that those Cybermen are not awesome. I bet you can't. Because they are awesome. I will allow that the Tenth Planet era Cybermen are also creepy as hell, but otherwise it doesn't get better than Tomb of the Cybermen. It doesn't. I WILL DESTROY ALL WHO OPPOSE ME.



THOU SHALT WATCH CLASSIC WHO.
If you rilly rilly want me to watch Nu Who soon, maybe we could do trades?

[order_of_chaos]

I acknowledge nothingk! Except the need to make myself an "I will be assimilated" icon. *resists destruction*

But wait. If you destroy me, then I can't watch Classic Who. YOU CANNOT WIN!

I am watching Classic Who, honest - It's just that there's so much to choose from. I could always watch the ones you tell me to first, though :D

[kayliemalinza.livejournal.com]

But wait. If you destroy me, then I can't watch Classic Who.
Then I have no choice but to BRAINWASH YOU!!!


Hrm, now I have the difficult choice of telling you what to watch (almost) first. Tomb of the Cybermen is widely acknowledged to be a first-rate serial, and it has my favorite Cybermen, so that's probably a good choice. Anything with Two and Jamie will make your not so inner slasher happy, as well.

OH. Bi teh wai, Jamie was the apple of a Cyberman's eye long before Ianto and Lisa came along. Go here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/doctorwho/classic/clips/second.shtml and watch the clip titled "The Phantom Piper." The Cyberman has been ordered to take humans back to their base, but he can't bear to hurt the young man lying flushed and sweaty on the sick-bay sheets, wearing only a thin hospital gown; helpless, unconscious, shiny.

I've got two episodes of the Moonbase on DVD (the rest were burninated) and some eps from other Two/Jamie serials; I'll try to get them uploaded for you in the next few days, since scattered episodes will be less time consuming than full serials (Three in particular has serials that are eight episodes long!). Here's a rough guide for exploring on your own, though: Two and Jamie is awesome, Jo and Delgado!Master with Three are awesome, Sarah Jane is beyond awesome. So is the Brigadier. Four has some really good stuff, but his run was so long that there's plenty of duds (also, I haven't seen any Romana I yet.) Five is nice, too, but mostly just the early serials; once Adric leaves (and some before that), the series gets a bit-- idk. Those were the JNT years and plenty of things went wrong. I haven't seen any Six or Seven yet, but Muppet (who got me into Classic Who) vastly prefers Two and Three's eras, despite trying very hard to like them all. Thus far, I agree with her. Eight, of course, is lovely in himself (OMG WHOOOOOO PAUL MCGANN!!) but the movie was horribly Americanized and a bit crap.

The BBC Episode Guide (http://www.bbc.co.uk/doctorwho/classic/episodeguide/index.shtml) is a good place to check out for some info on individual serials, though I've disagreed with some of the reviews.

Ok, here's a much more specific list: my favorites!
Two
The Mind Robber (delightfully meta!)
Tomb of the Cybermen
The Invasion (really long, partly reconstructed. also generally acknowledged as one of the best serials, period)
-- All of these I can upload for you if they're otherwise unavailable, so let me know.

Three
Terror of the Autons (KILLER INFLATABLE CHAIR. Jo's introduction, and also the Master's iirc.)
The Three Doctors
(Two and Three together OMG!!)
The Time Warrior (Sarah Jane's first serial, so I'm biased.)

Four
Robot (Four's first serial, and rilly rilly kyoot)
Genesis of the Daleks (OMG DAVROS. Very good serial all around.)
Masque of Mandragora (fun and cute)
Hand of Fear (SARAH JANE WEARS OVERALLS. AND GETS POSSESSED. Also, her last serial. :/)

There's tons more Four, but I only took you up through Sarah Jane's era so as not to overwhelm you.

Looking back on the list, I would say the absolute top picks (acknowledging that I haven't seen everything, either; Three's The Sea Devils is looking very good thus far) are:
Tomb of the Cybermen
Terror of the Autons
Genesis of the Daleks

The Three Doctors is not as fantastic overall, but it's very fun and gets you two doctors (One is barely in it) for the price of one!


SO. What Nu Who should I watch first? Guide me, O Chaos. ^_^

[order_of_chaos]

So far I've seen the Fourth Doctor from Robot to Zygons; the Third Doctor - Terror of the Autons, Mind of Evil and Claws of Axos; the Fifth Doctor, Castrovalva; The Five Doctors, and the horribly Americanised Eighth Doctor movie. And I've listened to some of the audio adventures with Six and Evelyn after falling in love with them via fic.

I am so tempted to say that if you can watch the entire first season of Torchwood in one sleepless night, you can watch all four seasons of New Who - including Christmas specials - in four. But that would be mean :P

Go here for a list of the episodes.

Season 1 - Ninth Doctor:
Rose - it would probably make sense to watch this first, since it's the first episode of New Who.
The Empty Child / The Doctor Dances - two parter, one of my favourites, and you meet Captain Jack for the first time.
And the rest of that series, because the more I think about them, the more I remember I like them all.

Season 2 - Tenth Doctor:
Tooth and Claw - Werewolves. Not in the TARDIS, though. Sorry.
School Reunion - Sarah Jane and K9.

Christmas Special – The Runaway Bride (Donna)

Season 3 - Tenth Doctor:
Doctors Smith and Jones - Meet Martha Jones. On the moon.
Human Nature / Family of Blood - Another two-parter.
Blink - This is one of the episodes with almost no Doctor in it, like Random Shoes in Torchwood, only this one's brilliant. Or maybe I'm just madly in love with Sally Sparrow.
Utopia / The Sound of Drums / The Last of the Time Lords - three-parter.
Utopia's very good (and Jack's back - this is where his timeline picks up from season one of Torchwood), The Sound of Drums is the Doctor/Master phone-sex episode brilliant, and The Last of the Time Lords not so much.

Children in Need Special – Time Crash. Tenth Doctor meets Fifth Doctor.


Or, idk, just watch The Empty Child / The Doctor Dances, School Reunion, Blink, The Sound of Drums, and Time Crash. Or everything in order.

I have a feeling that this comment is chaotic enough to suit my name. Oh well. *posts anyway*

[kayliemalinza.livejournal.com]

Ooh, you've seen a fair amount of Classic Who, then! I really do suggest Tomb of the Cybermen, since you haven't seen Two in action yet. I'm really glad you've already seen some of Four and Three's best. ^_^

Well, I always like to see a doctor's first serial, so I'll definitely start with Rose, and Muppet has mentioned Empty Child a few times, so I'll go to that two-parter next. Is there anything I should know about the episodes in between?

[kayliemalinza.livejournal.com]

This is one of the episodes with almost no Doctor in it, like Random Shoes in Torchwood, only this one's brilliant.

I thought "Random Shoes" was rather brilliant-- it was the second in the run of "good" episodes. Coincidentally, I really enjoyed "Love and Monsters" from DW season 2-- and that didn't have much Doctor, either! I wonder if this means something. Hmm.

[order_of_chaos]

You hate the Doctor. Noooooooooooooooo!!!! *sobs*

I liked them a lot, but not quite as much as the normal episodes. I wonder if that's still true....

I also wanted to join LINDA, before they all died or got turned into paving-slabs. It sounded fun.

[kayliemalinza.livejournal.com]

I love the Doctor, I do, I do! I have a poster of him on my bedroom ceiling!

I think it's more that, if the Doctor gets written out of an episode, it's because the non-Doctor storyline naturally grew too big and too good to be kept on the periphery. Like, the plot and characters have to be really good before the script editor says, "Ok, those scenes with the Doctor aren't as quality. Cut them."

me too! the part where they formed a band really clinched it.